National Geographic Revisited.

So I’ve realized that I’m not really a consistent blogger unless I have some sort of goal I’m working towards–some specific purpose for writing.  I think it’s the same reason I’m not really a fan of talking on the phone purely for the sake of talking.  I need a reason to talk, or to write.  And although I do write when I need to express myself or work through a thought swimming around in my head, I don’t do it consistently, and I don’t normally do it on a blog.

So, I’ve decided to find a specific thing to write about.

the World—specifically through National Geographic magazine articles.  I collect Nat Geo magazines, and have quite a collection ranging from the early 60s to the early 2000s.  I’ve read through some of them, but I’ve decided to read through them chronologically.

At the moment, I’m in the middle of the November 1963 Issue. I think what I’m going to do is read through an article (such as the story I’m currently reading about Malaysia and it’s formation in 1963), and then follow up with some research on where the subject of the article stands now. I think it could prove to be quite interesting and it’ll give me something to write about so if anyone reads this blog (ever), they won’t have to read about my personal rants about blah blah blah and stuff.

So, in the next week or so, I’ll make my first post in this endeavor about Malaysia as a newly formed Federation in 1963 and where it stands now.

 

Cheers.

 

 

 

A Dream.

Going back about 11ish years, I conjured up a dream in my heart.  It began simply as a wild, seemingly inconceivable dream to be a movie star; to walk up the steps in the Kodak Theater and receive an Oscar for Best Actress.  As outlandish as that sounds, I was determined I was destined for great things.

Present day:  I’m sitting in Southern California–pursuing a film career.  Words really have no place when describing how I feel about this, but I’ll do my best to explain what’s going on in my head and heart right now.

My brother, Andrew and I used to talk in high school about our plans to move out to L.A. after college and try to make it in the business.  We were gonna live together and motivate each other to pursue our dreams.  My best friend, Danielle and I used to print off screenplays of our favorite movies and recreate our favorite scenes in our backyards and living rooms.  My brother, Mark and I used to film just ridiculous infomercials and short films about off-beat superheroes.

So that’s the history of my pursuit of film–before college, that is.

Even before I came out here, I knew I would be challenged in probably every way imaginable.  And I haven’t even really begun to step into the world of film here, and I already feel the brutal competition just waiting for me.

And this is what my head is telling me:  What the hell are you doing—are you insane–this isn’t even logical that you should be out here yet—you have no experience in the film business, let alone on a film set—you honestly won’t even know half the film jargon they’ll be speaking to you if get on one anyway–do you realize what the competition is like out here—you don’t have the confidence in yourself to do this—this is it—if you get a job, you might as well plant yourself for 5+ years before you really get to do what you want out here, because it’s a dog-eat-dog world and you’ve gotta start at the very bottom.

Now, I think there’s some logical points in this soap box speech, but my heart is a bit of a different story.  My heart yearns to experience the community of making a film.  The gruesome hours, the gallons of coffee, the 500 takes per scene, the triple overtime with no extra pay, the actors “being in their trailor” speeches, getting the perfect shot, seeing a story come together, enjoying the adventure that comes visual storytelling.  I want to be here, to learn, to grow as a filmmaker, a storyteller–even though I sometimes indulge my thoughts and doubt my ability and my lack of experience which worries me to the point that I start to wonder why I’m even here.

I don’t really know what I’m doing, but in all the though bubbles bouncing around in my head, I know that no matter the outcome, God’s leading me, He’s guiding me and He’s got everything under his carefully orchestrated hand.  Whatever happens, it’s all good–cause I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own anyway, so it’s really just a matter of letting God do His thing and taking the opportunites He provides.  And wherever that takes me, I’m really just gonna be along for the ride, enjoying the breeze from the side car, and learning what it means to be a servant of Christ.

Discipline.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to try a little discipline in my life.  Having graduated a year ago, I’ve realized that I lead a life almost void of any discipline.  It’s not something that I’ve done on purpose–it’s more of just a bad habit.  I just don’t take the time to do the things I need to do when I say I need to do them.  It’s funny—I have so many things that I’ve said I want to do, or that I’m going to do, and then I never, ever do them—>finish that book I started a year ago, re-organize my desk, pack up my junk for storage, write a letter to my friend, visit the shelter, learn to sow.  I guess the real issue is self-control.  Can I control myself to be discplined?  To get up every morning at the same time, to have a good, thorough amount of time with the Lord, to use my time in the day wisely to get things done effectively, to be intentional in challenging myself, to strengthen the relationships I have with others, to take on the responsibilities that the Lord has entrusted me with.

I’m jumping head first into this.  I know people say that you should ease into drastic change, but I’ve never really been a fan of being slow–I’m not that patient (I guess that’s something else I should work on).  So anyway, I’m also going to be blogging daily so if you’ve got some time in your day–or you’re just bored–feel free to check the blog every day for a new update.  I’m pretty sure it’ll make for interesting reading.

Here’s a list of some of the things I’ll be disciplining myself:

less time with the internet, television, movies

Word time–> wake up every morning and spend an hour with the Lord.

Reading–>finish all the books I’ve started (one a week minimum).

Projects–>Start and finish a project I need to do (one a week minimum).

I have in my mind that having a more disciplined life goes against who I am—this super laid-back, spontaneous, adventurous girl who doesn’t need structure.  Well—I’m realizing that structure doesn’t mean being this OCD list-maker who’s lost all my adventurous spirit.  My theory actually states the opposite—>That as I impliment this discipline in my life, I’ll feel more free  with less incomplete projects stored away in the back of my mind.

Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks!

On the Road—5 states, 1,850 miles so far.

1,615 miles to Yuma.  It was the longest drive I’ve taken in my lifetime.  We left my house in Tulsa at 3:30pm on Tuesday.  We arrived in Tucsan, AZ at 10:30am Wednesday.  We stopped only for gas and once for a quick hour power nap.  I’d say it was a pleasant and manageable 19 hours in a minivan.

For those of you who don’t know, my sister-in-law, Tracy invited me to join her and her two wonderful children (Kate, 3 and Jack, 18 mo.) on a cross-country road trip through the wild “American Wilderness” (according to a 1998 issue of National Geographic).

The excursion includes the following states:

*Oklahoma
*Texas
New Mexico
Arizona
California
Oregon
Washington
Montana
Wyoming
Colorado
*Kansas

*not included in the nat geo article.

The rest of the states make up a giant circle of the country where most of the govn’t-issued wilderness areas make their home.  It’s super exciting that I get to take a spin around these parts and see the beauty I’ve only taken in through photos and films. And, or course I’ll be stopping by some wonderful surf beaches, one in particular I’ve been waiting to see since I was 15—Mavericks—king of big wave surfing in California.  That’ll most certainly be a great moment for me on this trip.

So–right now we’ve settled into my cousin, Mike’s condo in Palm Springs.  We’ve spent time in Tucsan, Yuma and Palm Springs at this point.  Tuscan has a unique beauty that I quite enjoyed.  It’s a good size city in the desert with mountains blanketing the the near horizon.  We stopped here for breakfast and coffee with Tracy’s friend, Julia.  We scarfed down a tasty dish of various breakfast staples and walked from there to Avenue Coffee for a pick-me-up.  Needless to say it played its part in reviving our weary bodies and souls.

The drive from Tucsan to Yuma has beautiful moments of wide spaces and large mountains covering the outer edges like homemade fortress walls.  We spent the night in Yuma with one of Tracy’s old roommates.  Thankfully, Vanessa and her husband Eric have 2 kids close in age to Kate and Jack, which made for great times of playing with toys and outside on the playground.

On our way to Palm Springs we took a little detour to Salvation Mountain–something we hadn’t planned until I discovered how close we would be.  This particular man-made marval holds significance for me because Chris Mcandless (the man behind “Into the Wild”) stopped here during his 2 years of vagabonding around the U.S.  It was much bigger than I expected and the cave area made me think I had stepped into a live Dr. Seuss book.

Palm Springs has been so nice.  The weather is beautiful and the mountains tower over the town like watchful eyes.  And if you’re wondering—Yes, the weather has been incredibly wonderful.  Let’s keep that up, please (and thank you).

We’ll be taking a whirlwind visit through SoCal—Pasadena, San Clemente, Chula Vista and Irvine–all by Sunday, on which day we will be driving to Monterey to meet Tracy’s dad.  I’ll hopefully be able to post more about our SoCal adventures when we arrive in Monterey.

Being old in a young world

I don’t think growing old is going to be very much fun.  Your body literally deteriorates while you are still living, and if you live long enough, you watch friends, family and maybe even your spouse pass away.  Symptoms of old age that plague almost every elderly individual include vision and hearing loss, the  inability to drive, muscle deterioration, and the inability to do things you could do just 15 years before.

I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about growing old because 2 of my grandparents have plunged into the land of no return.  This is the time in your life where your body just doesn’t have what it takes to keep your vital organs alive.  My mom’s dad, Grandad (87), uses an oxygen machine 24/7 now and sleeps a lot of the day.  My stepgrandmother(86) on my stepdad’s side, Granny, has been in and out of the hospital for heart attacks and problems for over a year.  She’s in the hospital now and it doesn’t look very good right now.  Her kidneys don’t have the energy to stay afloat and are beginning to shut down.

Growing old scares me.  I’ve never really thought about it, but now that I am thinking about it, I’m definitely not looking forward to it.  Of course, when you’ve still got your vision, hearing, motor skills, etc, you still have the ability to do life.  But what happens when you lose those.  You lose the ability to live independently.  You are forced to depend on whoever is around you.  I guess life is cyclical in that the first few years and last few years of your life share significant similarities.

Ready, Set, Go———>(where, exactly?)

“All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.  Bright and early for their daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere.”   -Tears for Fears

Oh bother. Honestly, the only way I can express the way I’ve been feeling lately is through this song—> Gary Jules’s cover of “Mad World”.  If you didn’t know, I just returned from a 4-month adventure in Cairo, Egypt.  And I sympathize with every returning traveler who’s bombarded with the same questions by the same sort of people.  They ask these incredibly loaded questions (how was your trip? What was the best thing you did?  How do you feel being back?), but only expect a simple sentence of less than 12 syllables so they can feel good about making me feel at home.  It’s not that the people around me don’t care.  They do.  But the problem lies in their lack of wanting to listen and the agenda that they’ve put before themselves.  That wall of priorities will always stand in front of what they wish they had time for or what they really do care about but got too busy to actually put aside “real life” and do something about it.

Being back, I’ve realized even more than ever that I never want a conventional life.  I never want to look at my life and think “why am I doing what I’m doing?” or “how did I get here?”.  I’m not designed for a “normal” American life–one job for 30 years in the same place.  I can attribute most of that to my overly passionate wanderlust that consumes me even more now that I’m home (home = not exciting and new).  I’m just not satisfied with what life gives me at home, mostly because I feel that the Lord has created such an inconceivably diverse planet, and there’s no way I can stay in one place when each and every part of the globe calls my name.  In my dreams, I see visions of other worlds, new places, strange and wonderful sights.  When I’m awake I daydream of being somewhere else, pursuing a new adventure with purpose and hope of creating something new.

The real world, the conventional life—> 2-story house with 2-car garage, 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 yards–these things used to appeal to me.  I used to think that someday I’d get there and that ultimately my life would settle into that and I would find a place to stay permanently.  But I’m realizing that everyone has that “dream”.  The American dream–success, comfortableness, instant gratification through consumerism; this has turned our country apathetic, lethargic and obese.  And I’m not just talking about our physical size.  Our selfishness, our own priority (looking out for #1) has totally consumed our entire thought process.  Our eyes are constantly glazed over as we view the world thinking “thank God I don’t live there.”  I can’t stand it.  And yet, I’ve fallen victim to it even being back.  I feel myself slipping into the comfortable, lethargically-minded routine of America–consume, consume, consume, sleeeeep, consume, consume, consume.  Consume food, beer, t.v., movies, video games, media, porn, sports, gossip, fashion, drama, ect.—-we just absorb it all in stride.

I never, ever want to find myself a blind consumer.  There’s too much going on in the world to sit back and watch it on our plasma screens.  There’s too much world to not take risks and never do what you’ve always wanted to do.  So what that I’m living paycheck to paycheck, so what that I don’t have the best equipment that I need for my job, so what that I don’t have the latest fashion, or missed that great night with friends at that hip concert last weekend cause I was saving for my next trip.  This is my life–I’m doing what I want to do, I’m traveling, I’m experiencing life, I’m doing what I can, what God has given me to help a community that means the world to me. Don’t tell me I can’t live unconventionally.  Don’t tell me to grow up and take some responsibility just because I don’t have a 9-5 Monday-Friday office-shit job like most of the American public.

Maybe for some people they are truly happy with their lives–working the same job for so many years they’ve lost count, living in the same town for maybe longer, never taking any chances to experience something new, but I believe that every single person that has ever lived had a dream, a vision for their life.  I’ve got one and I’m holding on to it, I’m gonna live it out till I die, and I’m not gonna give into the pressure of “growing up” or “getting a real job”  or “being a responsible adult”  become the demise of my vision.  I feel like I’m being responsible to myself and to the vision God gave me to pursue this, even though I may be trusting fully on His providence and His guidance.  But I wouldn’t want it any other way, because when the rubber meets the road, He made the path–He knows which way to go and how to get there.

Growing up and up.

I wish Peter Pan would take me to Neverland–home of no growing up, no responsibility and no grown-ups.

When will I come to a point where my mother will finally see me as an adult and stop forcing her way of doing things upon my life. I’m convinced this is a universal question and I want an answer.

I’m so tired of having to live up to my mother’s standards.  Doing things when she wants it done and exactly how she wants it done. I can’t take it. I feel like I’m stuck in high school again. Living at home after you’ve graduated college is one of the most frustrating things you could ever do. After living on my own for 4 years, I’ve been reduced to being treated like I’m a 16 year old kid who’s just now learning what it means to be responsible.  Now I certainly know that I am still learning.  By no means do I know everything there is to know. But could she at least give me some credit?  Cut me some slack?  I’m obviously responsible enough to pay my rent on time, keep a job, get enought sleep (debatable), and graduate from college with a 3.4 GPA. Seriously.

Fidelity.

I don’t understand the faithfulness of God towards me. or to anyone for that matter. I am an unfaithful, selfish individual who’s heart isn’t as pure as it should be. However, regardless of my wishy-washy attitude and daily change in mood, thought and action, our eternal God never changes. He is eternal and unchanging and He is faithful to His children.

In the course of just over 24 hours, God provided the rest of my finances for my 4-month trip overseas. I still lacked close to $1800 before I left on the 27th of September–3/4ths of it to be used to pay for my plane ticket.  For some reason (this reason right here) I hadn’t bought my plane ticket—I was waiting to hear from some people and making sure I could find the best deal and I had found a roundtrip ticket for $1400. I was planning on buying it today (Monday), but on Saturday, I met with some families from church at a Bible study, and one couple offered to donate whatever frequent flier miles they had to help pay for my ticket. As it turns out, they enough miles to purchase my entire ticket—they spent nothing, I spent nothing–Praise the Lord! It was incredible.

So today, my mother and I were going over my budget and counting up recent donations and because my plane ticket is free, I now have all the money I need to go. My budget is fulfilled. I’m still soaking it in, but I am realizing just how faithful God is to even those who are unfaithful.

Now, I never doubted in God’s power of provision or faithfulness, but I saw in myself a selfish sinner who seems to slip into sin so easily and continues to struggle with earthly satisfaction.  And though, I feel undeserving of such provision, I see how instrumental God has been in this entire process and am fully confident that I am in the center of God’s will for my life and am greatly anticipating what He has for me when I step off the plane in 2 weeks and enter into a whole new world.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support. I will be sending out emails weekly or every other week with pictures and prayer requests while I’m overseas.  If you want to jump on that band wagon, just shoot me an email—kjdurrett@gmail.com

Peace and Love,

Kristen

Life in Motion

Much to the dismay of the part of my heart that holds in highest esteem handwritten journaling, writing, and scribbling, I have chosen to start a blog–mostly because I will be half way across the world for quite a while and seeing as how I am not loaded with extra cash to call every one of you, I am harnessing the power of the internet to keep you updated on life events, thoughts and laughs.  Plus, I have noticed myself becoming more and more involved in developing thoughts to the point that I need to explore them with other people–get feedback, swap stories and share life. I enjoy learning and have found that the best wisdom comes through shared knowledge and experience.

—side note–my office mate, Adam, just sneezed so hard that he fell out of his chair and onto the floor, and all he could say was “See? What did I tell you!”

I look forward to sharing, learning and laughing with you.

With love,

Kristen

I have a blog.

It has begun, and its long overdue.